Despicable Me, Incorrigible You
by korel.c
Summary: A drabble collection of everything and anything. Mostly family fluff, but can change.
1. 2: In which Margo corrects Gru

Drabble 2:

"I..."

"Spit it out, Papa!"

"I have...well...actually I appealed to some of my contacts in the States, so it was not strictly speaking me that got it, although it was, but I did manage to obtain..."

"Papa?"

"A new copy of the Unicorn Adventures II," her Dad said, embarrassedly holding out a copy of the games that only five were made of.

Agnes fixed him with a glare. "It's fake, isn't it, Papa?"

He smiled and covered his eyes with one hand, peeking out from behind them. "However did you catch me? You're a policeman! Rawr! Rawr!"

"Police-woman," Margo corrected, curled up around a book on the couch.


	2. 3: In which a house blows up

**More fic is cross-posted over at the community gru_vs_world, though probably in a different order. Useful if you want to get more of a DM fix!**

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Drabble 3:

"So if I connect the socket wire to the hub, it will go boom..." Edith muttered under her breath, scratching her head and flipping a page full of diagrams. "And the manual says to avoid that. But the question is: how do I get a _bigger_ boom?"

"Edith?" A hand came into her vision, covering her eyes. Edith swung her elbow around reflexively, grinning fiercely when the hand fell away.

"...oh, _hel_-lo! Feisty today, aren't we, Edith?"

"Bugger off, Jake," she said, frowning fiercely. "Just because your idol's still stuck on the Moon doesn't mean that you have to be a complete lunatic."

Jake shrugged. "I just thought today would be a calmer day for you. It's your birthday, after all." He grimaced. "And your dad's coming to see you."

"He's what?" Edith shot out of her seat, dislodging the bolt her wrench had been so carefully fine-tuning for a 'bigger explosion'. "He's here?"

"Yeah," Jake said, "He's giving a lecture about freeze rays in the Lab and talking about old-timer villain customs in the Dining Hall. It would be kind of boring but I wanna ask him a few questions about Vector, so I guess I've got to sit through his rambling first."

He looked up to her scowl. "Uh...no offense meant?"

"Jake Remington, you are never. Getting. A. Date."

"...oh."

Edith walked out fuming, kicking the wall along the way.

A furious ticking sound emanated from her workplace, and Jake turned around slowly. There was a reason that Edith excelled in the Destruction syllabus of Villain school two years ahead of their year...

"...oh."

The resulting explosion brought down the house.


	3. 8: In which there is sisterly dialogue

**Rating: T**

Does not belong to me. But you knew that, so I don't bother. Also, references. And this is a pure dialogue!fic. And yes, there are OC's. That repeat. So sue me. They're not important.

* * *

Drabble 8:

"You remember the cookie-bots, sis?"

"How could I not?"

"...Well...if you think Isaac Remington's such a two-timer, why don't you send them over and see if he's brought his girl home?"

"I don't know. What would our...father...say if he found out I used his cookie-bots to spy on a boy?"

A giggle. "He'd probably bust out the big guns and go after Isaac."

"Wouldn't that be just great for my chances of getting with him?"

"Yeah, yeah it would! Although you'd have to get used to the wheelchair and catheter."

"...Shut up."

"Yes, mother."

"...SHUT UP."

"..."

"Daddy daddy daddy!"

"How's my littlest girl, hm?"

"HORSIE HORSIE!"

"Better go save Dad. I'll be right back. You think it over, sis."

"I...kind of...Fine! EDITH!"

"Sis! Sis!"

"Hi, Agnes. How was your day?"

"Fun! It was soo fun! We played in the mud and Ms Shuester HELPED me make mud-pies! Then I freeze-rayed everything and we had a snow-fight!"

"You what?"

"How'd you get the freeze-ray, Agnes?"

"Edith!"

"Was there a secret passageway or did you blow something up or...?"

"Jeff gave me! He likes me! Aren't I likable?"

"Now, there's no need for tha-yes, Agnes, you're very likable, stop with the puppy eyes now-stoppit. Stoppit. Thank you."

"Aww! And Daddy made me a go cart that had AG on the front for Agnes! And it's all pink and silver and pretty!"

"Pink, huh? I wonder what mine is like."

"Oh, I saw yours, Margo. He's put magnesium flares in the wheels."

"...That's...pretty cool, actually."

"He's a great dad, isn't he?"

"...Yeah, I guess."

"You're not still going off on not calling him 'Dad', are you?"

"Edith...it's just that..."

"HI, JEFF!"

"Mczketziowcz!"

"Okay!"

Blam.

"Just that what? You're an idiot? He's adopted us completely. I'm happy here, Margo. I wasn't happy, not even with Mom."

"I know. It's just...well...I said he'd never be my Dad. So I...I don't like going back on my word, Edith."

"You lie all the time!"

"But that's not the same thing! I'm just...arrgh! I don't say 'never' or 'ever' really easily, and I meant that one! So I can't go back on it, Ed."

"You're nuts, big sis."

"Say something to him soon, okay? Oh, and..."

"Proper spider-bots? Not cookie-bots?"

"I figure there's less chance of Isaac or Jake swallowing these ones."

"Good point."

"I am wise in the way of boys."

"Dream on."

"Hey, I've got Jake wrapped around my littlest pink-y. This one. See? See? It says 'Jacob Remington', right around there."

"Yeah, but Jake's not a boy. He's a leech."

"You take that back."

"I will not."

"...Okay, okay. You're probably right. But he does whatever I say, so he's a great friend."

"Friends aren't measured by how much they'll do for you, Ed."

"...Just use those bots? Please?"

"Okay."

"Edith?"

"Yes, big sis?"

"I planted them. Could you put the feed up under your bed? We'll crawl under and pretend to play family or something."

"Won't Dad see through us?"

"..."

"...Oh, yeah. I forgot. Yeah, okay, let's do that."

"You know, I'm so glad that Ms Hattie isn't around anymore."

"Yeah, me too."

"..."

"Hey! That's C-"

"Keep it down!"

"You keep it down!"

"So you were saying?"

"That's C-"

"-Is her hair dyed? It's reeeeally blonde."

"Is yours dyed? It's about the same color. Would you let me finish talking?"

"Nope! Anyway. Follow Isaac, follow Isaac, yeah! Go spider-bot, go!"

"HORSIE! HORSIE!"

"Dad's on his own."

"..."

"Ooh. Nice chest."

"H-hey!"

"Y-Yeah."

"Jake next, then."

"...Shush. Hey, he's all depressed right now. Still a really nice chest, though."

"Edith!"

"Come on spider-bot, get closer. Come on spider-bot, get closer. Get closer...yes!"

"...krrrszkghghkkkhghResolving Audio Function. Please hold."

"What the-"

"Audio functions? Cool."

"...I don't understand! What did I do that Margo's ignoring me now? I did everything to tell her I really...I can't believe it myself but I love her. I love her so much and I can't say anything. And she picks herself up and runs away from me. Didn't she see how I pushed that stupid girl away from me the moment I saw her? ...Oh, that sounds like I'm cheating on her, but she hasn't even looked at me differently after I kissed her. So why should she care? She's just...argh!"

"He seems to be obsessing about you, sis."

"...Shh."

"But she's so...hhhh. I don't know. Maybe flowers? Um, chocolates? What do girls like. Oh, wait! She said ice cream!"

"Ice cream's good. You really like ice cream."

"Shhhh."

"I didn't even like her, she was just using me...to get...a girl... jealous... waitaminute."

"Ooh, now he's taking off his- Oh, wait, no he isn't. Stupid fanny pack. Whenever I hear that zipper..."

"Stop thinking dirty thoughts!"

"Huh? What was that? Sounded like Margo."

"..."

"Shh!"

"And that sounded like Edith. What the-"

"Get away, get away!"

"Are Margo and Edith outside or something? Hm...Nope, guess not.

Stupid Tris. Oh, no! Why hadn't I thought of that? She was using me not to make her 'girlfriend' jealous, she wanted Margo to be jealous...why didn't I remember that she hated Margo when Margo came into school? I only thought - do a nice thing - and now I've ruined it with Margo. I...oh..."

"So he's really not a two-timer, Margo. You see? If you hadn't given in to my spider idea you would have never found this out."

"Oh, I guess so. Oh, Isaac. I'll have to make it up to him tomorrow."

"Give him a kiss!"

"...N-not that."

"Oh, you want to go further?"

"EDITH!"

"That sounded exactly like Margo!"

"...can we switch feeds?"

"Sure. This one's to their kitchen, so Jake'll be right th-WHAT."

"Well, one Remington's definitely a two-timer."

"J-Jake?"

"Is that tongue?"

"I..."

"You really like him, huh. C'mere."

"Thanks, sis."

"...Did his father just bust in on him and his girl kissing?"

"SERVES HIM RIGHT."

"...Papa, it's not what it looks like!"

"And do you know what it looks like? It looks like we could be losing money through alimony, that's what. Get your hands off that female!"

"I quite like his father."

"I looooove him. Stupid Jake! Stupid stupid Jake!"

"Papa, what's wrong?"

"Here enters Big-Love-Of-Margo's-L - Ooh. Ouch. That must have hurt."

"I wonder if we can ask a minion to go for popcorn."

"I shouldn't be enjoying this, but I so, so am..."

"Papa!"

"And why is she without clothing in our house! But, uh, nice choice, boy."

"Eurgh..."

"PAPA!"

"That's it! Your family is sick! Goodbye, Jacob Remington!"

"Ooh, she left a massive handprint!"

"I'm going to match that one with my own tomorrow, on his other cheek."

"I want to watch that."

"I'll tell you when I'm doing it. ...Hey, I know that look."

"HORSIE! HORSIE!"

"Neiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!"

"..."

"I'm going to get...Papa... out of this."

"Oh, my gosh! Margo! You really...you...you're..."

"Dad! DAD!"

"-eiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhh Edith? What's happened?"

"Margo has something she wants to say to you!"

"...Ohh?"

"I love you, Papa."

"LOVE YOU TOO, DADDY!"

"Me three, Dad."

"...I am deeply touched, Margo. Edith. Agnes."

"Since we all love you now, and we're one big happy family, can I get the freeze ray off you?"

"Mm...No."


	4. 9: In which there are unicorns

**Rating: T for vague character death and vague swearing. Hurt/Comfort

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**Drabble 9:

* * *

Margo scrubbed at her eyes with one hand, lifting Agnes off the ground as she crawled under the hospital chair. Edith didn't seem to realise that there were tears in her eyes, either.

"Come in, girls."

It was a shock to see their father trussed up in the bed. Well, not actually trussed up, but he had wires coming out of his body, and he was terribly pale.

"Be careful," Dr Nefario said. "He shouldn't be stressed."

"And why..." their father said, "...would I...be stressed?"

Margo blinked back her tears and looked directly at him. Gru fumbled for the button on the side, and the bed rotated up smoothly, for once without any shocks whatsoever. The minion sitting at the control panel sniffed, then rushed toward the supports to make sure that no rust or any kind of intrusion had occurred whatsoever.

"I am fine, Doctor. A little constrained, maybe..."

The doctor snorted, and let himself out. Gru wheezed.

"Dad?" Edith said, sitting down in a chair that Dave scurried to provide for her. "What happened?"

"Oh, it was ..." he wheezed, "...nothing, nothing too bad. Just a silly fall, it is all."

"It doesn't look like a silly fall, Papa! You're having trouble breathing!"

"So I might have, ah, had a previous condition. Nothing too bad, eh?"

"Nothing too bad?" Margo took off her glasses. "I can't believe this."

"I can very well see my son!"

The door slammed open and their grandmother stormed into the room, Nefario following her in, protesting as he went. "He cannot be stressed!"

"Don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot do! I was a jaw-dropping villain in my day."

"Yes, mother?" Gru asked from the bed.

"My boy," his mother said, rubbing his head. "You look like a steaming pile of-"

"Mother!"

"Yeah? What were you going to say, Grandmothe-"

"Edith!"

Gru wheezed. The growing chaos in the room vanished.

"Why didn't you tell me, boy? I warned you, being around that shrink ray for too long would be bad for your health. Shrink your balls, it would have."

"Mother!" Gru paused to cough.

A minion climbed onto the table on the side of the bed, offering cough syrup. Gru shook his head, and turned away.

"Daddy?" Agnes said, climbing onto the bed. "Are you going to go away?"

"...No," Gru said, reaching out a hand. Wires began to hiss as they elongated. "I will always be here in your heart. The unicorn will live forever, eh?"

"Agnes? Agnes?" Margo said, scooping her little sister up in her arms. "What's wrong?"

Edith cleared her throat, and Margo chuckled. "Well, apart from the obvious, of course. Didn't Nefario repair your favorite unicorn toy?"

* * *

"Whoa, Margo, your graduation hat's slipping!" Edith scurried to right it, as Margo clung onto her little sister.

Agnes was staring at the unicorn that their father had won for her, so many years ago, still sitting on her bomb bunk.

"Unicorns live forever," she whispered, and squirmed away from her sister. "But...sometimes, they go to another place, so they can be with other unicorns."

She ran to her bed and pulled the unicorn out from it. She looked at it, squeezed it tightly, and put it away.

* * *

A white unicorn with pink hair shook off the last remnant of spaceship dust. Going through all the rebirths and re-owners was sometimes not very pretty. She leapt once. Somewhere special to go to - a different unicorn place.

There was nice grass here. Bit yellowy, but tasted magnificent. A stallion grazed nearby, with black fur and spindly legs. He was wearing a striped scarf.

"Nice horn," the white unicorn said.

"I try," the black unicorn said.


	5. 12: In which there are morning cuddles

**Rating: K+ /Family **-** In honour of BeachCat reminding me that I had 12 postable.

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**Drabble 12:

"Goodnight, girls." Gru gave them a kiss on their forehead each, before wandering back out into the hall. He kissed each of his minions - there were many, many of them, but he did love them all like they were more of his children - and winded his way through the hallways, back to his bed.

The thunder rumbled in the night, and the rain lashed at his window. Yawning, Gru closed the window, changed into his stripey pajamas, folded his scarf and placed it on his bedside table, rolled into his large bed, and stared at the high ceiling in the dark. He closed his eyes and began to breathe evenly.

Lightning flashed. Thunder crashed. The sounds of screaming filled the air.

"Hunhwooh?" Gru rolled out of bed in a tangle of blankets. "Girls! My daughters, I am coming!"

Disregarding the floppy nightcap on his head, Gru raced barefoot down the corridors.

The lights flickered, the screaming went on forever and ever, an eternity to a panicking father.

He burst into the girls' room, nozzle jet gun whining into action. "Who is attacking?" he demanded, scanning the girls' room automatically and immediately.

The screaming cut off, and Agnes peered at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. He pointed the gun at her, then dropped it, and ran to her side. Sitting on the cushions in the center of the three bomb bunks, he lifted her out of her bunk and held her.

"What is the matter, Agnes?"

Lightning flashed. Thunder crashed. Agnes shrieked.

"Shh, shh, shh," Gru rocked her, hugging him close to her. "Don't worry, Daddy is here now."

Agnes squirmed around until she could sob into his chest, her unicorn sandwiched between her father and her.

"I'm sca-scared," she said.

"Yeah, and, uh, Papa?"

"Yes, Margo?"

"I don't know if you noticed, but the heating in our room cut off sometime in the middle of last night. We thought we could manage it, but we're all kind of...cold."

Thunder crashed. Agnes shrieked again.

"Don't worry, don't worry, I won't let anything get you..."

Gru blinked.

"...Light-bulb."

* * *

"And now you are all safely tucked in. Goodnight, my daughters."

"Wait! Papa! Where are you going?"

"I...am sleeping on the floor."

"Aww! Come on, you can still fit in the bed. It's not like we take up lots of space, or anything."

"Please, Daddy? Pleeeeeease?"

"...Oh, alright. If you insist."

* * *

"Sun's shining! Yay!"

"Urrgnggnghh."

"Daddy! Daddy! The sun's out again!"

"Grrraphhthpthhhlll."

Edith dug an elbow into her father's side.

"Arrrrghkkahh! Hi-ya! Who is there?" Gru sat up. "Oh. It is you three. Hello," he smiled. "Good morning."

"'Morning, Dad," Margo said.

"Good morning. Oh. You three have to go to school today."

"Nooooooo..." Agnes said. "I don't want to!" She jumped onto his leg, clinging tightly to it.

"But school is good for you," Gru said, prying her off his leg. She only let go so she could cling to him. Gru hugged her close to him.

"...But you're a super-villain," Margo said. "You're not supposed to care about what's good for us."

"But you are my daughters, and so I do." Gru reached an arm out to bring her in to his side. Margo didn't resist, leaning her head on her father's shoulder.

Edith crossed her arms. "Well, I'm not going to school, and you can't make me."

Gru chuckled. "I suppose not. Well, I can always say that you three got sick from playing in the rain last night, and had to stay home to-day."

He brought Edith in with his other arm, still chuckling.

"But...that's lying!" Margo said.

"But nothing. It's a good excuse," Edith said, grinning.

"Mmm..." Gru said, already starting to fall asleep again.

* * *

"...Daddy?"

"Hmm? Yes?"

"I love you."

"Love you too."


	6. 7: In which weapon design is taught

Drabble 7:

"Today we are going to do what, Dad?" Edith shuffled her feet, watching as her Dad bustled around the room, rooting through bits and bolts for semi-random tools. Her Dad had only let her into this workroom once, although she'd helped the minions with assembling weapons like, maybe, hundreds of times. And Dave even told her that the rocket launcher worked better than ever!

"You're my little weaponeer. Weaponista? Weaponisier?" her Dad said, his eyebrows pressing together as he tried to figure out the right word. "Oh, forget it. You know what I mean. After Dr Nefario hit his decline, your ideas are unlimited! The sky! Peaky!"

Edith giggled as her father combined his exclamations with poses and gestures, hiding her lips with her hand.

"Are you...laughing at me?" Her father whizzed around the countertop between them, poking his face directly into hers. "Is that a...giggle...I hear?"

Edith snorted. Then choked back her giggle.

"Why, is my little tomboy becoming a girl!" her father said, and tickled her under her arms.

Edith laughed harder and fell off her chair.

Her father sat back, perching on the silver table. His face abruptly sobered, waiting for her to regain control of herself.

"Today, Edith, we are going to learn how to - design weaponry."

Edith sobered, as well, climbing back onto her chair with all evidence of utter attention.

* * *

  
As he taught Edith the basis of the trade, Gru wondered if he'd made a small mistake introducing the minions to Edith. On the one hand, it would be good to have a successor in the family. On the other...she seemed to love sharp edges and explosions.  
It wasn't good for his peace of mind when Edith designed an inflatable Swiss Army Gun, and the minion at his feet cheered and high-fived Edith.

Gru stared at his first prototype of his freeze ray, heaved his shoulders in a sigh, and kissed his daughter on the forehead.  
He left his lair, smiling a small smile at Edith letting herself be dragged away by the minions.


	7. 13: In which there are Boxes Of Shame

**Rating: K+**

**Originally this was posted at gru_vs_world, but since my muse's interest in it has dropped, so has mine. Thus you get stuff that was there exclusively. And I felt like updating.**

**

* * *

**Drabble 13:

"You can't do this, Ms Hettie! It's _wrong_! She's just a little kid, less than four years old! She doesn't deserve to be - she doesn't even understand what she did wrong! You can't put her in the Box of Shame!" Margo stared up at Ms Hettie, her glasses slightly askew, her arms crossed. Ms Hettie looked at her, and smiled thinly, with a thin red lipstick smile. Like a clown on one of the posters for the circus. She was intimidating, but Margo tried her hardest not to show her fear.

"You presume to know what's best for her?" Ms Hettie stood up, towering over Margo. "I think I know better than what you do, little girl. In fact, for talking back to me, you're going in a Box of Shame, too."

"Fine!"

* * *

"It's really c-cold here..."

"I know. I know. Hey, do you want me to tell you a story?"

"What story?"

"It's called, Three Little Kittens."

"B-But there's only two of us?"

"That's okay. One of us will have to be two kittens."

"Me! Me!"

* * *

In the playground, Margo carefully put Agnes to one side. A group of bullies, the ones that Ms Hettie adored so much, pushed a small blonde girl to the ground. Margo took a deep breath, and stormed forward. She was bigger than most of the bullies, so she stood a chance.

"Leave her alone!"

"And what are _you_ going to do, Margo?" the leader of the bullies said, shoving her back. Margo caught her step. "If you go tattle to Ms Hettie, she'll just put you in the Box of Shame. She likes me."

"Yeah! Go, Letitia! You tell her!" the other girls surged around Margo in a mass, until they were in a rough circle around her. But at least they were leaving the blonde girl alone, and Margo was fully aware and ready to take a beating. She wasn't scared.

"Margo?"

...Agnes!

"Oh, lookie here. Margo's got a baby! Margo's got a ba-by!" Letitia grabbed Agnes, lifting her up in the air.

"No! Stop! I'll do-I'll do anything! Just put her down!"

"Ooh, Margo's got a baaa-by!"

Just beyond Letitia, the blonde girl was getting up, wiping off the scratches from her knees. Her beanie knocked askew, she straightened it, and looked directly at Margo. With a jerk of her head, she motioned toward Agnes and Letitia. 'Run', she mouthed.

Margo nodded.

"What-" Letitia started, before the blonde girl slammed into her from behind. Agnes wailed, and Margo seized her, tucking her safe to her body before smashing backward into the crowd.

A whistle blew.

* * *

"Hi," said the blonde girl from the box beyond Agnes. "I'm Edith."

"Margo," Margo said.

"I'm Agnes," Agnes said. "I'm three and a half years old!"

"That's nice," Edith said.


End file.
